How To Contract Jet Lag from a Two-Hour Flight

1) Fly Ryanair, preferably on one of their famous predawn night flights where check-in closes at 5am sharp. Leave your bags to the whims of their famous baggage carriers and make your way to the departure gate, where you and your fellow travellers will be shovelled into the too-small seats of a baby jet with a mop or whatever device the flight attendants have on hand. Free? Yeah, but you’ll feel the effects the next day.

2) Fly out from Stansted, one of the famous “London” airports that isn’t anywhere near the actual city itself. It’s rather like driving to Edmonton to fly to Vancouver. You’ll have to take the train up the night before and stake out your own spot in the sea of hundreds of travellers camping out along every corridor, wall and hidden nook in the small terminal. We made the most of it by chatting with some fellow time travellers who set up digs next to us beside the check-in counter, swapping homespun philosophies and mad ravings. But don’t expect to get any sleep. You’ll be either too homesick or paranoid for your bags’ safety to dare let your guard down.

3) Arrive in Poland not knowing the local time zone, and feeling like there should be a “pm” in the place of the “am” on your watch.

4) Sleep a solid eight hours and wake up feeling like there should be an “am” in the place of the “pm” on your watch. That last step is optional. Either way you’ll have fun convincing your body this is normal.


Austin Andrews is a Vancouver-based photojournalist and occasional filmmaker with a penchant for finding the fantastic in the everyday. Contact him at austin [at] disposablewords [dot] net

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